Suffering and hardship... life seems to be full of it. It feels
as if the older we get the more of it there is in this life. During those in
between times we hold our breath, waiting for the next "shoe to
fall," so to speak.
Often I’ve found myself struggling with that mindset, wondering,
is that living life in a completely negative frame of mind, or am I simply
being realistic? There have been times in my life when I have made the decision
to be a “more positive” person. Those decisions were always self-made, and they
included thought processes like, “If I pray enough or am good enough, life will
stay care-free and problems – serious problems – can be avoided.” Please don’t
misunderstand, being positive is an important attribute to have, but contrary
to popular belief, positivity does not result in avoiding the negative things
that happen in our lives. Oftentimes we can disillusion ourselves into such a
“positive” mindset that we actually enter a space of denial regarding the
negative circumstances surrounding us or even begin to live “with our heads in
the sand,” if you will.
For the last year, God has been taking me to school, so to
speak. It honestly began more than a year ago when I was struggling with my
questions about where God was in the midst of my prodigal son and his dire
situation. How could God, who loved me and loved my son, allow this craziness
to be happening in my son's life and in our family? I started to question
whether praying even really mattered. At face value it seemed as if my prayers
for my son were not making a difference, and his life continued to spiral out
of control. I was angry with God for not just fixing the situation. Didn't God
love my son enough to lift him up out of the darkness? For several weeks – maybe
even months if I take an honest look back – though I continued to pray, I
doubted the importance of my prayers. I doubted the effectiveness of my
prayers. I doubted that my prayers mattered at all. As my son's problems
escalated, and my relationship with God deteriorated, I became more and more
depressed and miserable. I began quickly losing any desire at all to
participate in the events in my life that I was responsible for participating
in.
At one very low point, I cried out to God and was finally able
to be honest with Him about how I had been feeling. Prior to that night, I had
prayed and pretended – with myself and with God – that I still believed He was
listening, when in reality I did not. The night I got real with myself was
different. I got honest with God, and when I did, something changed in my heart
forever. Let me be clear, the situation in my son's life didn't change. Since
that moment we have merely seen glimpses of healing and progress for painfully
short periods of time before things seem to go back to what has become the
status quo. Despite this, despite the painful reality I was living in
pertaining to my son, my HEART changed that night. God revealed to me His vast
love for me as well as His vast love for my son. He opened my eyes to see that
He is working on my son and in his life, but in His due time.
On an even more painful yet relieving scale God also revealed to
me one of the harshest truths I’ve had to face in this particular life
situation; He revealed to me that if things never change for my son, and one
day he ends up dead (a very real potential outcome for where he’s at in his
life right now), He is still in control and will never leave my side. He will
walk me through whatever outcomes I may face and He will be my strength. What I
came away with that night of honest prayer is that God is WITH me, whether it
feels like it or not. The TRUTH is that He is here every step of the way.
Since that night one year ago, I have learned so much from God.
Every message and every devotional and every Bible study and every book that I
have encountered since that time has pointed straight to John 16:33 (NLT),
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth
you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome
the world.”
For the past year, in God's classroom, I have learned that
trials are a part of life. In fact, there are situations in which God actually
places them there and orchestrates them in order to bring us closer to Him. The
situations that He hasn't orchestrated, He still can use for His glory (Romans
8:28)!
Today, my mindset regarding suffering and hardship is completely
different from what it was a year ago. I have been seriously studying God's
Word for 18 years now and have read Isaiah 55:9 more than a dozen times. In
fact, when there has been something I totally didn't understand, I’ve always
received peace of mind through the reading of that scripture. It says, “As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts." But for some reason, after this year in God’s
mighty classroom, I developed an understanding of that verse that I’ve never
had before. My heart truly comprehends it, where in the past, only my head got
it.
Beloved, God has such a bigger plan than any of us can really
ever comprehend. Ephesians 3:19-20 speaks such truth in the revelation that I
have received over this past year and I want to share it with you:
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too
great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness
of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able,
through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than
we might ask or think." The NIV versions says, "Now to him who is
able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..."
This is why we don't get it. We don’t get it because it is MORE
than we can even imagine to ask! God's wisdom, His knowledge of the situation
and the future, is more than we can imagine. We don't have the wisdom or
knowledge to really know what is best to ask. Don't misunderstand me, we CAN
ask and we should ask. But ultimately, He knows what is best and our part is to
TRUST HIM.
Essentially the journey that I have been on with God in this
season of my life has greatly deepened my trust in Him. My faith has increased
by leaps and bounds and you know what started it all? The situation with my
prodigal son. That situation, by the way, in the world's view is still not good,
and we are daily faced with the vastness of the storm we are in the midst of. But
today, unlike a year ago, I can say to God that I trust Him in it and I know
beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is working. Even more, my heart is at peace.
The difference is my acceptance of suffering and trials and that
those things just don't happen to the "unlucky" people in this life.
Remember, friend, what Jesus said; we WILL have MANY trials and sorrows, for
they are inevitable. So how will we react to them? How will we handle them?
Will we be angry with God, and feel pitiful, crying out, “Why me?” or possibly
deny that there is even a problem at all? Will we try to take things into our
own hands and "fix" the situation for ourselves or for our loved
ones? Or will we accept the situation for what it is... a fact of life that
Jesus warned us about. Will we turn our face toward Him in faith and honestly
give Him our whole hearts, as we sit in His classroom until our entire being
understands? If we do anything but turning our eyes, minds, hearts and entire
beings toward the Lord we will find ourselves miserable and depressed. If we
try to “fix” our way out of it, God will just place us on yet another field
trip, so to speak, until we learn to trust fully in Him.
Walking into God’s classroom will set your heart free! Be
encouraged to soar, beloved…
"But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and
hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift
their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they
shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” Isaiah
40:31 (AMP)
